Trying not to feel crazy. Trying not to feel crazy. Trying not to go off my rocker. Trying not to wig out. Trying to resolve intense anxiety. Trying not to feel like tangible words are streaming out of my ears in big spreading cones as my head deforms, cartoon-like, under a strong whap from a wiffle ball bat made out of craziness. Trying not to read into everything until it becomes absurd. Trying not to be wrenched with jealousy and envy. Trying to keep it together. Trying to look cool. Trying to think about schoolwork and do schoolwork. Trying not to cling. Trying not to look too nonchalant. Trying to find comfort not clinging and not dropping it and not being jealous. Trying not to tip my hand and show my cards. Trying to find some acid. Hoping I don't feel like this while I'm on acid.